The Broken Circle Prologue Draft #1

A new story called The Broken Circle Prologue Draft Entry #1. Do send back comments and opinions if I need any edits whatsoever: amandaliaw@hotmail.com. Thanks! :)

THE BROKEN CIRCLE
Prologue
I opened my eyes to, once again, stare at the ceiling above me which was covered in glitter stars. I’d been doing this for the past three hours now, but honestly, it wasn’t getting any better. How could just one guy do this to me?
Turning over onto my right, I glanced at the clock on my bedside table, which read: 5:33AM. I sighed. I wanted morning to come, but yet, dreaded it all the same. I’d stayed up all night blasting music to try and figure out what to do, and then tucked myself into bed, still thinking. I did not yet know the answer to all the brimming questions in my mind.
I matched every twinkling star on my ceiling to a question: should I forgive him? What if I do? What if I don’t? Does he still love me? Do I still love him? Will things ever go back to before? So many questions, so little answers. I had nobody to talk to about this who would give me an honest judgment of what has been happening the past year.
Turmoil ruled my head. I could never think straight anymore. Had I been too harsh on him? Had it been his fault or mine? UGH! I threw the pillow over my head and tried to block out my thoughts. All I ever thought about was him. All I ever saw in my mind was him. No matter what he’d done wrong, I could only picture myself with him. And this was all ruining my brain!
I quickly sat up in my bed, back ramrod straight. Jogging would help clear my head, but was that what I needed right now? For the past year, I’ve been exercising more and more because it was one of the only ways I could ever get away. I’ve been doing everything I could to run and hide from life.
Playing music that spoilt my eardrums, exercising, watching the telly and movies, singing… everything! It was just in my nature to run away – to pretend that all my problems never existed. This was the exact reason why I’d wished I was born simple-minded: so that I would never have any problems; so that I could keep my childhood innocence.
I threw on some sweats and Nike sneakers, grabbed my iPod and headed out the door. I was jogging down my usual path – about a good few miles into the nearest park. At this time, everything was quiet and the day was just beginning. I loved going out at this time. It reminded me of how the world was first created, and it melted away all my worries.
When sunrise came, it was a beautiful sight, like one of a most-treasured piece of art. I could just imagine a palette full of bright colours, and God wielding the glorious brush of life: painting the sky orange, red, yellow, purple, blue and other beauties. A smile broke onto my face as wide as the rising sun. I was basked in the warm glow and I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment.
But such moments don’t last long. Ever since tragedy struck me in the form of a broken heart, I forced myself to believe that good things never will. So I found myself home an hour after the sun was up, at a quarter past seven. My house was quiet, and I heard some of the birds chirping up in the trees. I loved this place. It was nestled in the midst of luscious nature, which I adored.
As I was climbing up the stairs, tip-toeing so I wouldn’t wake anyone up, my sister suddenly came down rubbing her tired eyes and yawning loudly. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me, blinked a couple of times to look at me clearly, and then continued her descent.
“What are you doing up so early?” I was about to reply when she took a look at my sweats and Nikes, and then nodded without an explanation. “I was just heading up to my room,” I said anyway. She proceeded into the kitchen and I could hear some cupboards opening and closing noisily. Gosh, she could be such an inconsiderate resident at times.
Just as I was about to open the door to my room, she popped her head out of the kitchen and peered at me. “Oh, by the way Kathy, there is a letter for you on the dining table. It arrived late last night; you might want to go check it out.” With that, she disappeared again into the kingdom of pots and pans.
I rolled my eyes and made my way downstairs again. She could have told me earlier and saved my tired legs from a useless climb. I plopped down on one of the dining chairs and picked up a yellow parcel sitting on the table, and unwound the yarn that enclosed it. There was a CD case inside, along with a letter. I reached for the latter first.
“Dear Kathy,
I just wanted to let you know that I still love you. I know you might not feel the same way about me since it’s already been a year, but I feel as if my heart will never stop loving you. Whenever I think about you, I smile, and then start tearing up when I remember how badly I hurt you.
Really, I did not mean to do so. I just needed the money to help support my family. I know that I should not have done what I did, and for that, I’m very sorry. I understand that you might never forgive me, and I would not dare to hope so, but I’m very happy just to let you know how I feel.
In this lifetime, I can only be with you. Without you, I feel lost, empty and desolate. Despair grips my veins as I recall how stupid I was to let you slip away from me. Just as I had the perfect girl I could only ever dream of, I pushed you away. I will regret that forever and take it to the grave.
I just ask for one last time to see you and talk to you. I have to explain things and make them right. Even if you don’t want to talk, at least just give me a glimpse of your beautiful face again. I can’t go anymore without it. If you agree, I’ll be down at the shop today from dawn to dusk. I hope I will see you there.
Forever and more,
Alex”
It wasn’t until tear drops blotted the paper that I realized I was crying. I just couldn’t help it. I knew his family needed the money; I knew that he really loved me and hadn’t meant to hurt me. It pained me to read about his heartbreak, but I couldn’t bring myself to hope. I didn’t want to be crushed again. The higher I swing, the harder the fall. Could I let it happen again?
I heard some shuffles behind me and quickly dried my cheeks with the back of my hands and stuffed the letter into the parcel. “Morning, mum,” I greeted as my mother, rubbing her eyes and yawning in the same fashion as my sister, sat down in the chair opposite me.
“Morning, dear.” Then, she noticed the parcel I was holding and asked, “What’s that?” I blinked and stuttered, “Oh, um, just something from FedEx.” I immediately rushed upstairs and closed my room door. I had no idea why, but I just didn’t feel the need to announce Alex’s love for me to the world. Stuff like that were meant to be private – that way, it feels more intimate.
I sat down on my bed, then opened the parcel again and placed the letter on my bedside table, beside the photo of Alex and me. I stared at that photo fondly, memories flooding back to me. It was a picture we’d taken on our first date together. He brought me to the beach and we had a lovely picnic there by the sunset, burying our feet under the sand and splashing each other with water, and jumping over waves.
A little smile pulled at my lips. We’d asked a passerby to help us take a picture with my camera just as the sun was setting, and the man had ended up running away with it! I remember how Alex ran after him half the length of the beach until the thief gave up and returned the camera to us. I laughed for hours after that without stopping, until my stomach hurt too much.
Those were the good days, when life was perfect. I was close to Alex and his family, my own family, and I was doing well in my studies and having great friends. I should’ve treasured those moments more, and maybe they wouldn’t have gone downhill from there. I ran my finger gently over Alex’s handsome face until it became blurry with tears.
Something with four sharp edges suddenly thumped onto my left knee and I jumped. It was the CD in the package that Alex had sent me. I opened it up, frowning with jitters, and saw that he had burnt an album full of songs he’d composed. I went over to my laptop and played it.
“Hey Kathy, this album is for you. The songs I wrote in here on the guitar are recorded live, and I spent a really long time compiling everything. I hope you like it, and find the lyrics meaningful, because I sure do.” Alex’s pre-recorded voice boomed through my speakers, and I watched as he sat on his bed and started strumming the guitar I’d gotten him for Christmas two years ago.
By the time all twelve songs ended, I stood up and powered my laptop down with new determination. Alex had done so much for me, and no matter how much he’d hurt me in the past, he still loved me. And the most important thing was: I still loved him too. After a quick shower, I threw on some clothes and sneakers, and then went downstairs for brunch.
It was twelve noon when I decided to go over to the shop to see him. He had said in the letter that he was going to be there, so I got into my car and drove down Main Street. The radio was on, but I wasn’t paying any attention to it, and it soon became just a humming comfort in the background.
What was I going to say to Alex when I saw him? Hi, I received your letter and wanted to get back with you? Definitely not! I thought about everything we’ve been through. Did I want to date him again? I sure missed the way I fit in his arms, and the smell of his shampoo. It did wonders to calm me down. But could I stand the hurt if we broke up again?
Perhaps it would be best if we were just friends… for now. I mean, people who loved each other could still be friends, right? Yes, yes, of course. Friends seemed like a good idea. One year was a long time for people to change, so we should take this time to get acquainted with each other again.
It was with these happy thoughts that I stopped at the red light, at the shop’s nearest junction. I just had to round one more corner and it would be there. I would step in and see the one guy I’ve been thinking about twenty-four seven for the past hundred or so days. Just the thought of it made my stomach turn round and round as if it were on a skewer.
But then, my eyes raked over the one pedestrian crossing the street, and my stomach just dropped. It was impossible – it couldn’t be him! That hair… those bluer than blue eyes. My chest pounded when I saw him. He looked thinner than usual and had an unshaven chin, but he still looked beautiful; as beautiful as he’d always been.
I just wasn’t accustomed to seeing him. One year we’d been away from each other. To suddenly see him out in broad daylight like that, it was practically a crime! A honk interrupted my train of thoughts and my eyes snapped up. The traffic had started moving again, and I was blocking everybody else behind me.
I reluctantly stamped on the accelerator, always keeping my eyes on him from the rearview mirror. But just as I was about to turn and lose sight of him, the worst thing happened. It was all so fast; I didn’t have time to react! Images blurred together and the only thing I could think of was to rush over to Alex’s side at once.
I got out of my car once I parked it on the left lane right next to the shop, then ran down the street to the scene. People were staring, crowding around the victims and giving me a full-blown panic attack. A speeding car cutting into the road; a truck driver that tried his best to swerve to avoid a collision; metal running over the divider that separated the roads and the pavement, and then ramming into the object of my existence with a sickening thud that knocked him to the ground…
Blood roared in my ears and my shoes scraped against the cement. One foot in front of the other came naturally to me and soon, I was pulling against the current of the passersby and trying my best to reach him. I sent a silent prayer to God: Please let my eyes deceive me just this once. Let this man not be Alex.
A gasp of horror escaped from my parted lips and everything swarmed around me. It was much too overwhelming. No longer caring about anything else in the world, I fell to my knees and hugged the limp chest of the man I love. Whatever sense I’d kept since our breakup was now lost, and nothing else could redeem it.
I had not just seen him crash into a truck. I was not hugging him now. He was not the person I thought he was. This could not be Alex.

--The Broken Circle; Prologue