Conifer

Such random things boredom can make you come up with. :)

Ever thought about how human beings weren’t the only “master inhabitants” of this planet? Well, if you haven’t, then think more about it. Probe below and beyond the surface of this seemingly “shallow” concept. Because it’s not shallow. It’s not even a concept! It’s the truth.
Conifers are that’s what we’re called. We’re ALMOST exactly like human beings. Actually, our predecessors originated from human beings. But we’re somewhat different. We’re genetically modified humans. Which means that the scientists take YOU lot, and then they use different cell-cloning techniques to create US.
Cool, isn’t it? Not quite. We’re currently being hunted by everyone in the modern-scientific-technological world. Everyone. Why? Well, here’s the whole back story, shall we?
My old ancestors – which aren’t really THAT old, if you count just a mere hundred or so years ago – had been created in the LAB. Now, isn’t that a hideous way to be born? Yes, of course it is! So, anyway, moving on. The old written records say that the first Conifer to be born was under the hands of a certain Dr. Haley Brown, who’d mixed the DNA tissues of a human, elephant, squirrel, dog and even a flower.
We’re not really sure what flower it is – at least, I haven’t really learnt in my history lessons yet – but what I’m sure of is the rest of the story. So do you want to hear it or not?!
Okay, so. The first ever Conifer was pretty much a disaster. They’d added just a little too much of elephant cell into the brain so that he’d pretty much acted like an elephant, trying to drink from his nose.
After that, Dr. Haley Brown had consulted the help of some genetics researcher at Stanford called Mr. Gregory and another medical scientist by the name of… ARGH. I can’t remember!
But yeah, besides that, they’d constructed the next Conifer based on the previous disaster. This time, they used the same amount of animal cells mixed with a higher content of human cells plus a varied constant of plant cells.
This time around, they came up with the perfect Conifer. It was, in fact, the “nearest-to-perfect” human as well. He totally understood the “mind-over-matter” thing, and could use more of the brain capacity that other “incomparable” humans couldn’t. Which just totally explains why I can run twice the speed of the fastest human on Earth in half the time. And it also explains why I can basically do everything faster. Oh, and don’t forget, I can even move things with my mind. Like telepathy.
Well, ALMOST. I can move my ruler by one centimeter in class. But it’s about there. I bet YOU can’t even do that, can you? J
Back to the story. Dr. Brown was satisfied with the New Conifer, so she cloned a couple more of them, just that she changed the gender of some of them to create an equally-balanced gender thing. It’s something I can’t ever understand. There isn’t any difference between man and woman! GOSH, see, I’m digressing again. Never you mind. So yeah, then, Dr. Brown hopped onto some other NEW project on the cloning and mixing of plant and animal cells to create a “planimal” or something like that. HAHA. I started laughing out loud right there and then.
Basically, she left this one unfinished and the Conifers – as clever as we are – escaped to find freedom besides being stuck in a white-washed lab stinking with sanitizer. Or at least, that’s what I imagine anyway. So yeah, they escaped and worked their mysterious – or say, OUR mysterious – charming ways to seem like a normal human to avoid getting caught.
We’re quite adaptable, if I might say so myself. They blended in very well and not before long, a giant search was cast all over the world for the missing Conifers. I think Dr. Brown and her petty test subject helpers would have let it go… if they hadn’t noticed the terrible mistake with us.
Yes, mistake. The near-perfect Conifers had a ghastly mistake. We absorb water. Yes. You heard right. We ABSORB water. Which means that we can’t go swimming or get splashed or anything. Minus the fun.
Sighs. But I guess that’s the one flaw or something in us that humans can feel proud of. Not like they’re EVER going to know or anything. I mean, PSH. Anyway, once we get into contact with more than 10ml of water, our skin starts absorbing everything, and they all pour into our internal systems.
It’s all fine and good, except for the fact that although we need hydration just like you guys, we can’t have TOO MUCH. About 20ml of water per day is ideal for us. We already have a lot of water in us since our bodies are made up of many more cells than all of you, so we absorb a lot more water in our different cells, see.
Which means that once we have too much water, our cell membranes/walls or whatever push them out and they come out all the way through every single hole in our bodies. Nothing harmful, really, but I’m sure it’ll be a terrible sight for your kind.
So there. Oh, and before I get all too moody and gloomy and everything, I’m just going to mention one simple fact that can make all of you jealous, if possible.
We never get fat. JEALOUS, AREN’T YOU?! Ahaha. Too bad then.
You know why? It’s actually because we have plant cells in us and it’s quite a minimal, measured amount so we can make sugar in our bodies. And since this sugar is the healthiest kind of glucose and keeps us sufficiently fuelled once we’re exposed to sunlight, we don’t really have to eat. And therefore, we don’t get fat. :D

~Conifer; Random Writing